Trauma |
Vergessen und Vergeben Aber im Hertzen Bleibst Kleben Forgotten
and Forgiven but in the Heart it is Attached/Glued It is possible to forget and
forgive a traumatic experience that occurred in our life but the feelings never
disappear. They may attach
themselves to other incidents or project on to a more current situation, but the
pain that was caused rears itself when least expected. A wife who was deserted as a young
woman will always suspect her spouse of desertion or of not loving her.
She will never feel safe or truly loved.
She may repay her
spouse by having a secret relationship with another male to "even the
score," or feelings of anger may arise without cause toward her spouse.
A person who has experienced a traumatic situation will remember that the
remainder of her life and will be fearful when there is the slightest of a
possible reoccurrence of such a trauma.
An example is that those who have lived in Nazi Germany during or at the
beginning of the Holocaust, when hearing denigration or prejudicial words
directed at the Jewish people, will believe that a reoccurrence will take place
in their beloved America, where they are fortunate enough to live. The
late psychoanalyst Sigmund Freud cited cases in his books in which adults were
severely emotionally damaged as children and brought their unfortunate
experience into their adulthood.
They were reliving their experiences and were unable to function as
mature normal adults. Freud discovered that dreams people have can reveal much
that has occurred in the past, and what their psyche has taken is expressed in
their dreams at night, often in a very perverted fashion. Free association can
occasionally bring out a reality, a situation that was long forgotten in
everyday life, and conscious thoughts. Fears
as well as dislikes can have a history in experiences that occurred in the long
ago and not in current life.
When questioned, the individual thus plagued is often unable
to recall from where or how his feelings originated. Ideally,
all children from infancy to adulthood should be raised with love, kindness,
understanding, and caring.
They should not be coerced to achieve that which they cannot do or
comprehend.
Inabilities should be expected and praise given for what they can
accomplish at their age and stage. A child should never be pushed or called
unacceptable names, nor should he or she be minimized.
Jewish children are unfortunately too often the targets of anti-semites
who have been taught to leave out their aggressions and hatreds toward them.
Also, the Jewish child should not be expected to be badgered to be an
achiever beyond his capabilities.
This type of behavior has a history in the belief that we have to excel
to prove our worth and acceptance as human beings. As
a result of the rejection and unjustified hatefulness and annihilation we have
received in our past and present lives, a significant number of the Jewish
people who have survived have
intermarried, given up their identity, and are unfortunately an infinitesimal
part of the world population. Lehitraot. Dr. Ursula A. Falk is a psychotherapist in private practice and the author of several books and articles. |