The Difficulty of Finding Jewish Husbands

Commentary by Dr. Ursula A. Falk


The Dilemma of the Jewish Girl


In this our twenty-first century, marriage for the Jewish woman has become more and  more of a problem.  The marriageable Jewish man has become acculturated and seeks the young outsider.  Computers and electronics provide opportunities to intermingle with the thin, young gentile, even if she is an oriental, or other.

He searches to team up with the Hollywoodian female who is liberal, gives freely of her body, and does not show her personality of the future.  Before she has won the “ring” she is the sweetest, most loving, compliant creature that is the proverbial girl of the dream.  Jewish men are frequently enamored with orientals because they bow from the waist, curtsy, walk with small shuffling steps, and give of themselves wholly and with servitude to the victim that has fallen for their trap.  Studies have demonstrated that after they have captured their prey and have tasted of the good life, and become Americanized in an Oriental fashion, they become demanding and domineering with a flair and with unique compliments.  The Jewish bridegroom proudly exhibits the jewel, the prize that he has won, and in many cases takes his gem for a “conversion.”  It reminds one of a joke:  A Jewish man becomes a Catholic.  The priest explains that the good Catholic of the olden days did not consume meat on Fridays and usually substitutes fish.  The last ceremony that is performed for Chayim Yankel is the custom of sprinkling holy water on the new convert.  As he does so he recites “once Jew, now Catholic, once Jew, now Catholic” and lo and behold, a new Catholic is added to the fold.  Several months later, the priest visits Chayim on a Friday and he smells chicken baking in the stove.  He questions the man but, Chayim being embarrassed that he did not follow the tenets of his new religion, denies that he is roasting the forbidden food.  Ultimately the priest opens the door of the oven and shows his disdain to the cook.  Chayim, being an imaginative and bright man, gets water from the faucet, sprinkles it on the chicken and in a sing song liturgical voice chants:  “Once chicken now fish, once chicken now fish.”

In contemplating the “mixed” marriage, the Jewish male has forgotten his heritage, his culture.  An outsider does not have the Jewish upbringing, the practices, the ceremonies, the history, the understanding what it truly is to be a Jew, to have the Jewish “Nefesch,” the Jewish heart and soul.  Those of us who have experienced the Nazi holocaust remember how very frequently the non-Jewish spouse deserted his or her mate when Jews were annihilated, thrown into gas ovens, and tortured beyond the imagination.

Not infrequently it is ill will when the male finds someone “to love” who is unacceptable to the Jewish family because of their inherent religious beliefs.  The man, once child, revolts to punish the Mom and Dad for real or imaginary wrongdoings to the overprotected, overindulged young person.  It stems from anger, from narcissism, from “liberalism”, a word whose connotation is of dubious and self centered origin.

For parents and grandparents it is especially difficult to accept a diminishing of their values, their love and  the knife that has been thrust into their hearts by an individual who threw them away along with his beautiful heritage.

It reminds one of the saying that the dumbest of calves choose their own butcher, their own demise.


Dr. Ursula A. Falk is a psychotherapist in private practice and the author of several books and articles.

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